My wife and I both have mental health issues. When we first met 23 years ago, neither of us were aware of our mental health problems. She had seen a counselor back during her school years, but it was because of a broken home and being moved back and forth between her mom and dad. Just like in many other cases, it led to acting out. In her case, this meant stealing change from the family. Did it help? Well, she doesn't steal anything today, but I'm not sure the counseling had anything to do with it.
For me, I had no idea. I was raised in a strict fundamentalist Christian environment. Mental health issues were commonly attributed to demonic influences. If you had a severe enough mental health problem, you obviously needed an exorcism (today they are calling it something else, but I can't recall at the moment - another side effect of my fabulous medication list). Yes, there are protestant denominations that still believe in "casting out demons."
Although I began to wonder if there wasn't something wrong when I was in my early 20s, it wasn't until my late 30s that I got my first diagnosis and Rx for depression. I would go on with that diagnosis for quite a few years before an actual professional in the psychiatric field would diagnose me with a bipolar 2 and a dual diagnosis (that means addiction issues in addition to mental health, not because of mental health issues). Years later, after going through a cocktail of medications, I was diagnosed by yet another professional, this time with Bipolar 1.
Now, when my wife and I married and decided to have children, neither one of us knew about our mental problems. Not really. As the kids have gotten older, it has become apparent that some of our mental health issues have been passed down to the kids. It's a depressing thought to think that I've passed down any of these genes to my children and possibly limiting what they can do in this life because of my own defective DNA.
With just one parent having a mental health issue, the odds are something like 25% that one of your children will have a mental health problem. With both parents having mental health problems, the odds go up significantly, to around 50%. With four children, that means that two are likely to have mental health issues. That doesn't mean it will stop there. It is possible that all four could inherit the genetic cues to give them a predisposition to a mental health issue.
I think the other part of this is contributable to the environment in which we are raised. My strict fundamental Christian upbringing led to being taught many delusions that I absorbed as truth. It took decades for me to work out what truth really is and what was not true. I'm not talking about psychosis, hallucinations, or reality, but rather the indoctrination from a super-religious environment. But being free from this (and sometimes it still comes back to haunt me) did not eliminate my mental illness. I wish I could be free. Instead, it looks like I've contributed to my kids' mental health problems, both in a genetic way as well as environmentally.
I honestly wish that someone had diagnosed me before I ever had kids and explained to me until I could understand the consequences and potential issues beforehand. While I don't regret my actions, and I am proud and love every one of my children, part of me wishes I could have spared them a life of mental health issues. The signs are everywhere. Our oldest son had his first diagnosis with mental health at the age of 12 or 13. The next in line, a daughter, had her first bout with mental illness at the age of 14. The third child, also a girl, already has a diagnosis at 13. While some people may think that the diagnosis of a mental health problem at such early ages is a symptom of our society's overreaction and push by pharmaceutical companies, they would be wrong. You would have to see it and experience it first-hand to truly understand.
I've rambled on long enough. My main point is that genetics, our DNA, as well as the environment in which we are raised, all have an influence on our mental health. Once we discover it, what should we do? Don't we have a responsibility to avoid procreation, if we haven't had kids already? I guess it depends on your diagnosis, but with bipolar disorder or the hell that comes from other severe mental health issues, I can guarantee you wouldn't wish this on your children. If only I had known. They deserve so much more than this type of life. I know it's manageable. I know you can still be productive. But why make it so much harder? And to know that this doesn't go away, it is hard. There is no exorcising the demons. No screwing a hole in your head for them to escape. These "demons" are with you for life.
I wish my kids could have a better life than me. Is that so wrong? Isn't that the wish of every parent?
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